Wednesday 24 July, 2013

Sorrento Retreat Day 6:  Again, light and joy.  Light and joy at some level beneath apprehension. Light and joy in the morning and light and joy in the evening.  And if this is so then light and joy is the constant underpinning of standing in willingness rather than a heightened emotional state of being.

Running with the destitute becomes competitive; he can’t keep up.  Meetings follow with all but one necessary; the distance is large.   Sorting out accounts becomes overwhelming especially Commissar’s rates, some of it is personal gain to be given to the newly married couple, the rest requires serious determination.

Like an old friend revisiting after what seems a lengthy absence, I am awakened for prayer at 3am.  Tina Turner is the singer with her rousing rendition of  “Your simply the best, better than all the rest, better than anyone, anyone I’ve ever met” these lyrics repeated over and over like the pop version of chanting Matins.

From the days Gospel of the Parable of the Sower comes the question,
“What is the Good soil?  Is it willingness, humilitas, …..?”.
The seed that is scattered is not a seed of my determination.  It is your seed Jesus.  It lands where it lands.  I do not see, nor have I seen, where it lands.  Nor have I seen its growth.  All this transpires in the cover of darkness – that unknowing beyond knowing.  This darkness can only be pierced it seems by willingness, and willingness has no eyes.  Nor does it have the perception of intelligence or understanding. Thus I no longer see or know as I thought I had seen and known.  All I have is nothing – no thing.  All I have is my trust in you – maybe naught even this. Not my trust, but your trust in me – simply the best – you’re my best friend.